march 26th 6:40 am getting ready to leave the house surgery in 3hours and 20 mins.... im praying that it all goes off with out a hitch!!!! I cant belive it happened so fast, I cant belive im at my goal weight, i cant belive this is happening today.....<3
Behind closed doors
26 March 2009 @ 06:39 am
25 March 2009 @ 03:58 pm
Ok today is march 25th which means my surgery is 2maro morning ahhh im all ready.. I had lists of busy work today to keep my mind off things and i finnished...now im sitting here thinking about 2marro im scared, excited, numb, my heart is racing...
22 March 2009 @ 10:04 pm
Nicole took me to east side maroios last nihgt i couldnt eat i cryed and felt so guilty..i dont want to get fat again..this is an irrational fear..well to the extremity im taking it anyway...so eric and i went to mexican tonight and it was great i got grilled veggi fajits.. i had one flour tortia with black beans lettuce salas squash onion and tomato in it and chips and salsa...i was so proud of myself!! i know its not horriable what i ate probably somewhere near 300 cals but thats alot for me at one sitting.. the anorexic concious and fat girl concious are starting to work as a team to keep me healthy instead for fighting agains each other!! which is good cuz aniorexic concious always wins and we dont want to have an eating dissorder...i have to find that happy ballance! also about 84 hours untill my surgery and im still sick im starting to worry...i hope i get better maybe the extra caloires will help haha!!!
22 March 2009 @ 12:38 am
its sunday that meens i have today mon tues wed then i wake up thurs morning to go to the hospital to have the end to this journey and the start of the rest of my life....my healthy life!!! calmer than i thought ide be at this point
18 March 2009 @ 08:29 pm
its 8 days before my sugery and im sick my dr said to chill out that ide be better by then so im trying to chill and drink fluids..also today i found out i have a heart murmur fml i swear i try to get healthy and that changes the hemodynamics of my body and fucks me over in another mannor..but on the plus side my love lifes starting to look up! although its horriable timing with my surgery in all but im still gonna try see what happens...
15 March 2009 @ 07:11 pm
Today i reached the goal weight my dr set for me!!! I feel acomplished that makes a total of 123 lbs lost..thats crazy...i never knew it could be like this
14 March 2009 @ 01:21 pm
Today i went to the store in my size 16 jeans which i was told were looking to big..so i grabes a few 14s went to try them on and they were all to big...i was like no way im a fuckin 12 .. the adv american woman is a size 14-16 IM SMALLER THAN THE ADV AMERICAN WOMAN!!!!!!!! pee my pants! Need less to say i bought a size 12 pair of jeans and im floating on cloud 9!!! This meens ill prob be an 8 after my surgery!!!!! holy crap!!!!!
13 March 2009 @ 11:34 pm
Sorry im posting so often lately but i like journaling..lol Its march 14th that meens 12 days till surgery more like 11 days cuz i wake up and have the surgery in the am on the 12th day...i have a feeling im gonna puke the morning of my sugery from fear its what i do..im scared i wont get in the car..and ill start running..and you know what my parents cant catch me..so what will happen ill run and cry and they wont beable to find me and ill miss my surgery....as each day grows closer the worse my fear becomes..also i keep haveing this dream that i sit down for dinner to have a slice of pizza i have one bit and i blow back up to the size i use to be..its irrational but its actually a fear i have...if u ever notice me getting chubby again u better tell me to go to the gym. i LOVE that i can share clothes wiht my friends now ive never been able to do that before!! it makes me feel good! Also i think i my have to much confidence today i was at the mall and i totally told this guy i liked his hat as i walked by and he smile and said thanks but mandy almost died..haha ive decided im gonna speek my mind i meen whats gonna happen i tell you your hot and it makes your day..who doesnt like being told there hot??? umm no one thats who..haha..my sister and i are not speeking at the moment..i thought our relationship was getting better but i guess not shes talking smack to mom behind my back...aparently im being mean to her and i dress like a slut now or somthing like that..dad says shes just jealous of my weight loss.and thats stupid like im you family be happy that im healthy..i want to be healthy...ugh stupid. o and a&w diet root beer is amazing!!!!
11 March 2009 @ 12:07 am
15 days till my surgery!! Im excited and frightened. I havent been able to sleep lately ... i worry to much about it sometimes... we all know how I hate not knowing and well this is a big unknown... Also you know that saying you know when you cant fall asleep at night you know your life is finally better than you dreams ...im starting to think its part true. I lye awake and instead of day dreaming.. im thining of the weeks past enents re living moments in my head..enjoying what I have..the friends I have.. my health my ability to run the new attention and my confidence! Im loving myself on a whole new level and its very exciting! I hope all goes well with my surgery and I wont have to take too big of a time off of living life to recoup!! Also ill be really bored for 2 weeks after my surgery so if your bored hop on by ill be here haha!!!
04 March 2009 @ 08:39 pm
I sit here eating sliced apple sprinkled in cinnimon dipping in a fat free vanilla yougurt and Im thinking to myself why this was so hard before this is a delicious treat. Grocrie shoping is down to a science..just dont enter the center of the market..only shop the walls. I feel fresh and clean! Some kind of relization has come about...this is my life..The end of my journey is the begining of my new healthy life! 22 more days untill my surgery. For me getting rid of this skin represents my new life.. my new healthy life! I cant wait for my active healthy life to start.. to leave behind old Julie. I loved that girl but I love this one more...the healthy confident Julie! I finally understand why people were always asking me if i felt better. and you know what I do i finally do!